My Eating Disorder first started when I was about 18 years old, I am now 26. From then to now I have been on one huge journey. One I almost didn't make it through. But I didn't see that then, I was fine, even when I was forced to have an NG tube fitted and admitted to a general hospital for a few weeks for stabilisation before being shipped off to a specialists Eating Disorder unit. I was there for a whole year, and since being discharged I had relapses and ended up back in hospital. But now, I am 26 years old, have a 3 year old daughter and I am married! Now, if I was to go through my battle of how I managed to fight Anorexia (I'm not sure I even could) but anyway I would spend hours and hours typing and you would spend hours and hours reading. So, I just want to say fighting an Eating Disorder IS possible, there is life after an Eating Disorder, whoever you are, wherever you are, how ever old you are! I'm not saying its easy. Far from it. Fucking hell, it's the hardest most difficult and enduring thing I've ever done and probably will ever do....I hope! I still fight mentally everyday, most days I still have to remind myself reasons not to go back to Anorexia. I still struggle massively with the 'recovered me'. But however much I struggle and sometimes fight just to get through a day, my life is now my life, it doesn't belong and isn't controlled by an Eating Disorder, so that is one massive reason to stay in recovery, continue with life and keep up the fight. Having my own little family helps me massively towards my motivation.
Or so my Eating Disorder told me. I pretty much gave my life to Anorexia, I believed everything it told me, I let it lure me in. The more I listened the worse it got, the iller I became. But I couldn't stop, I NEEDED it in my life, it was my friend, it helped me feel in CONTROL, it helped me EARN 'rest' 'nourishment', and life itself. Albeit if that 'rest' was a 10 minute break from my workout or that 'nourishment' was a tin of kids spagetti hoops and a a few grapes for afters. These little things in life I had to EARN, I had to WORK for. Working out became an obsession, excessively cleaning became a normal everyday thing, I had to do these things, they were rules I had to follow. Nourishment and rest is something everyone needs, I knew that, but when I was in the depths of Anorexia these things I didn't deserve and Anorexia also convinced me I didn't need or want them either because I was 'happy' and 'fine' living in this lit
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